My language is vibrant color and line.

Koan

[Definition]

[A Koan (Japanese or Gong'àn in Chinese) is a short anecdote or aphorism of Zen Buddhism which is used as a meditation object and often appears to be paradoxical. Its significance and main function reveals itself only intuitionally, without words: the realization of non-duality. (1)]

KOAN_01 TuMiTu

[Prolog]

"TU MI TU Y YO TU TU" Out of the void all of a sudden I had this wordplay in my head, a kind of personal Koan. It sounds like an exotic mantra, but actually it is Spanish: "You: my you. And me: your you."

Todavìa no entiendo mi Koan. Pero creo saber de que trata: confiar.
Parece que confio. Actúo como se confiara. Pero en realidad acepté la muerte. El dolor infinito. Pero esta confianza de la que habla el Koan es un confiar positivo. Confiar en la vida. En alguien. Por confiar yo: SARA DE CONFIANZA. (2)

I still do not understand my Koan. But I think I know what it is about: Trust.
I seem to trust. I act as if I trusted. But in reality: I just have accepted death. Total pain.
But this trust the Koan speaks of is a positive trust. To trust life. Somebody. And trusting will make it: TRUSTWORTHY.

KOAN_02 The Left Hand
KOAN_03 The Left Hand

[1st Movement]

"Necesitar" es diferente de "hacer falta". Te hice falta, pues, soy... de tu sangre poética. Tú no me necesitas.
"Necesitar" y "hacer falta" son diferentes. Lo entiendes ahora?
Amar alguien todavia es mas diferente: AMAR significa: yo-te-acepto-tal-como-eres... Pero AMAR y HACER FALTA tienen algo en común: uno conoce el "objecto". Uno no puede amar a quien no entiende (quien no te entiende ni conoce, no te puede amar, pues no sabe quien eres y, entonces, no puede aceptarte como tal).
HACER FALTA también requiere que uno conoce el objecto. Algo que no conozco no me hace falta... (NECESITAR - requiere solamente conocerse a si mismo y a sus proprias necesidades. Necesitar es... un acto en plena soledad.)

"Needing somebody" is different from "missing somebody". You missed me, because I share your... poetic blood. You do not need me.
To "need somebody" and to "miss somebody" are different. Do you understand that now?
To love somebody again is different. To LOVE somebody means: I-full-accept-you-the-way-you-are... But to LOVE and to MISS have something in common: One knows the object [of missing/loving]. I cannot love anybody who I do not know and understand (how could someone who does not know you, love you if love implies to fully accept you the way you are?)
To MISS somebody also requires to know the object [of missing]. I will never miss someone who I do not know... (To NEED however only requires to be aware of one's own needs. To NEED is... an act in complete solitude.)

KOAN_04 The Right Hand
KOAN_05 The Right Hand

[2nd Movement]

"Se amas algo, déjalo libre. Si vuelve, es tuyo..."
Por qué vuelve? Porque te extrañaba ...
Por qué uno se va? Creo: porque no puede perdonarte algo en su momento. Y un día la FALTA es más grande que el rencor... El AMOR es más grande que la herida... (herida? o: la falta de AMOR?)

If you love someone, set him free. If he comes back to you, he is yours..."
Why does he come back? Because he missed you...
Why does he walk away in the first place?
Because in that very moment there is something he cannot forgive you. And one day missing you is bigger than resenting you. Love is bigger than the would (wound? or: lack of love?)

KOAN_06 Augurio (Take my Hand)

[Epilog]

Volver es=que el amor vence... y quedarse: que el amor reina...

To return means: love won... To remain means: love reigns...

[Is this to ask too much, if I asked that you hold my hand, even if I go away from you... to make my own experiences... for a little while?
To whish that you are my... mental companion?]

This was a difficult painting, KOAN_06, the last one of the series. I perceive it as a kind of quintessence, both in terms of content and form. Its subtitle reads "Take my Hand". For a long time I did not understand myself, that at its heart this is a painting about leaving. Just like a young person that leaves his parents, because today he is moving out. And his plea that he may be able to preserve all the good within him that they taught him - no matter what he encounters in the world out there.

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